Thursday, August 13, 2009


Idk what to say about today. Lazy.....Hurtful...Angry.....LAZY......unclean needing shower lol. I REALLY needed a shower and didn't get to get one till about 6:30 I think lol.

I got mad about somethings....ALOT of things. I realized that I get mad at my sister but of things (I think) she gets away with and (I feel) I get/got in trouble for. Like the scraps thing. I always got yelled at if it wasn't done. Tiffany doesn't. I am usually the one telling her to do it and I get yelled at for telling her to do it. Tiffany will fuss and yell at me when I ask her to do her job and there for I get yelled at. I know I KNOW she does it on purpose. I know she will fuss just so i will get in trouble. That is cuz she knows it will work.

She don't like doing her job. Neither do I but I try to make myself do it. I have to tell her to do hers because I WILL NOT DO IT FOR HER!!!!!!!! If I do it for her one time she will expect it every time.

I blame her for alot of my problems. And I shouldn't!!!! I know I don't need to blame her but I do. I have many issues about that kinda stuff. I guess it is just that sibling rivalry thing lol. either needs to stop!! I love my sister. I LOVE MY SISTER!!! But with everything going on, Anger issues, ect. I just cant stand her sometimes.

God help me with my anger issues!!!!

Other that all the anger and such, I started thinking about....lets call him Mark.....again and i realized a few things. God's Will vs. my will. Idk what his is and I know what mine is. Sometimes lol. I like "Mark" alot.....ALOT.....WAY TO MUCH!!! lol.

He don't like me tho. Mark is in the same position I am in. the only people who like him are the people he don't like at all. (that is how I feel anyway...idk if it is fact) The only guys that have actually liked me are guy I DON'T like. This one dude idk why he likes me but he has liked me for awhile and I have told him (nicely) that I don't like him and he still tries to get me to like him BUT I DON'T!!!! He still tries to ask me out....or say something like...when are you going to let the man of your dreams take you out....or something like...when me and you get together...or stuff like that. I told him i only liked him as a friend. I told him one time when I was going through some thing that I loved him. He helped me out when I thought no one else was there. He was a good friend and that is all I want!!!

I did like him at one time.....but I stopped when I felt like all he was doing was lying to me. Plus he is sort of like my sister. ( a whole new mess right there )

Well all I need to end this right here and go and clean the kitchen!! Been a lazy day. I didnt get up untill about 4:30pm.

God help me to understand your will. Help me to know what I am supposed to do. Helpme to learn. Help me to learn the differance between your will and mine.

Help me to know your voice~!~ Amen


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